Every time I'm beginning to everything straight and sorted in my mind, someone comes along and makes me feel bad about myself all over again.

4 months ago

I feel empty and i wanted to go to boston because i was hoping to take a class that might help me have more control and it got cancelled. Now i have the weekend off with nowhere to go and no one to share it with and i'm sick and tired of feeling hollow and thinking about pointless shit. God damn you Cole... I don't want to be alone but i hate most everyone around me because they make things complicated and i don't know what it means to be content. Make it go away. Insatiable greed. I feel like i'm using everyone and am too lazy to use my own two feet. I hate this place so much and the only way to feel better is to leave but i have to wait. Its just a year, but as soon as its over i'm just going to be caught in uncertainty anyway. Why do i ramble so much? Too much shit to think about. I just want to yell obscenties and punch someone without having to apologize for it. Fuck all of you and fuck my insecurities. I wish i could stab them until they were just a bloody huddled mass. This post isn't helping really. I still feel just as empty and violent. Fuck it, i'm going to the gym.

about 1 year ago

If I could, I'd slit my wrist and die right now. I feel like a complete and total failure. My ex doesn't want me, my friends have abandoned me, and I feel like I've amounted to nothing in my life. Anything that comprises my identify is null and void. I only lack the courage to kill myself.

over 2 years ago

I feel really REALLY grumpy.  And it makes me even more grumpy that I don't even have an excuse.

over 3 years ago

Sometimes when I'm visiting this website I feel like there is something following me and I can't shake it.

over 3 years ago

I feel empty and i wanted to go to boston because i was hoping to take a class that might help me have more control and it got cancelled. Now i have the weekend off with nowhere to go and no one to share it with and i'm sick and tired of feeling hollow and thinking about pointless shit. God damn you Cole... I don't want to be alone but i hate most everyone around me because they make things complicated and i don't know what it means to be content. Make it go away. Insatiable greed. I feel like i'm using everyone and am too lazy to use my own two feet. I hate this place so much and the only way to feel better is to leave but i have to wait. Its just a year, but as soon as its over i'm just going to be caught in uncertainty anyway. Why do i ramble so much? Too much shit to think about. I just want to yell obscenties and punch someone without having to apologize for it. Fuck all of you and fuck my insecurities. I wish i could stab them until they were just a bloody huddled mass. This post isn't helping really. I still feel just as empty and violent. Fuck it, i'm going to the gym.

about 1 year ago

If I could, I'd slit my wrist and die right now. I feel like a complete and total failure. My ex doesn't want me, my friends have abandoned me, and I feel like I've amounted to nothing in my life. Anything that comprises my identify is null and void. I only lack the courage to kill myself.

over 2 years ago

I feel really REALLY grumpy.  And it makes me even more grumpy that I don't even have an excuse.

over 3 years ago

Sometimes when I'm visiting this website I feel like there is something following me and I can't shake it.

over 3 years ago

I feel empty and i wanted to go to boston because i was hoping to take a class that might help me have more control and it got cancelled. Now i have the weekend off with nowhere to go and no one to share it with and i'm sick and tired of feeling hollow and thinking about pointless shit. God damn you Cole... I don't want to be alone but i hate most everyone around me because they make things complicated and i don't know what it means to be content. Make it go away. Insatiable greed. I feel like i'm using everyone and am too lazy to use my own two feet. I hate this place so much and the only way to feel better is to leave but i have to wait. Its just a year, but as soon as its over i'm just going to be caught in uncertainty anyway. Why do i ramble so much? Too much shit to think about. I just want to yell obscenties and punch someone without having to apologize for it. Fuck all of you and fuck my insecurities. I wish i could stab them until they were just a bloody huddled mass. This post isn't helping really. I still feel just as empty and violent. Fuck it, i'm going to the gym.

about 1 year ago

As much as i like having a fuckbuddy i can't help but feel like im stuck being two people. The part of me that honestly wants to be a monogamous boyfriend and a moral person and the one who just wants to satisfy his needs no matter the cost... Now i feel guilty cause you said you don't like being "second in line," but the other me doesn't want to change our standing. Its not fair to anyone but i don't want to give up the sex... :(

about 1 year ago

&%$#* $#@!&*^ $#@!*!

thanks - I feel much better now.

over 3 years ago

That's better. I typed out two massive, emotional shouts and this shitty spambot deleted them. I suggest the mods of this site make it clearer, plus, I put in a number the first time and it didn't seem to work. Fuckin' technology.

I miss his SMELL. It's stupid, and I'm not in love, but I crave him. I don't want to be weak and silly and emotional, but I crave contact with him. I want him a criminal amount. Which probably isn't great, circumstances considering. It's largely physical, but I kind of want to binge on him, until the attraction and craving is gone. Fuck. Goddam I want that a lot right now.

The stupid thing is I don't feel like I can tell anyone this, and I don't really know why. Other than the assumption being made that I'm a self-absorbed attention seeker who just wants to boast about how much sex she's had. That's annoying too. Is there something wrong with wanting to talk about things happening in your life? Did I miss the class where it was said that it's unacceptable?

over 2 years ago

Some days I just feel like curling up into a ball and dissapearing. Today is one of those days.

over 2 years ago

As much as i like having a fuckbuddy i can't help but feel like im stuck being two people. The part of me that honestly wants to be a monogamous boyfriend and a moral person and the one who just wants to satisfy his needs no matter the cost... Now i feel guilty cause you said you don't like being "second in line," but the other me doesn't want to change our standing. Its not fair to anyone but i don't want to give up the sex... :(

about 1 year ago

&%$#* $#@!&*^ $#@!*!

thanks - I feel much better now.

over 3 years ago

That's better. I typed out two massive, emotional shouts and this shitty spambot deleted them. I suggest the mods of this site make it clearer, plus, I put in a number the first time and it didn't seem to work. Fuckin' technology.

I miss his SMELL. It's stupid, and I'm not in love, but I crave him. I don't want to be weak and silly and emotional, but I crave contact with him. I want him a criminal amount. Which probably isn't great, circumstances considering. It's largely physical, but I kind of want to binge on him, until the attraction and craving is gone. Fuck. Goddam I want that a lot right now.

The stupid thing is I don't feel like I can tell anyone this, and I don't really know why. Other than the assumption being made that I'm a self-absorbed attention seeker who just wants to boast about how much sex she's had. That's annoying too. Is there something wrong with wanting to talk about things happening in your life? Did I miss the class where it was said that it's unacceptable?

over 2 years ago

Some days I just feel like curling up into a ball and dissapearing. Today is one of those days.

over 2 years ago

As much as i like having a fuckbuddy i can't help but feel like im stuck being two people. The part of me that honestly wants to be a monogamous boyfriend and a moral person and the one who just wants to satisfy his needs no matter the cost... Now i feel guilty cause you said you don't like being "second in line," but the other me doesn't want to change our standing. Its not fair to anyone but i don't want to give up the sex... :(

about 1 year ago