I miss you Cole. There's no point, but i do. And when i leave here in July i want to wash my hands of everything. I'm so afraid of the uncertainty that comes when i leave here. I have no job and hardly any career prospects and a worthless degree. I'm scared... The last 5 years of my life seem such a waste. I could have been a doctor. You could have loved me. My family could have respected me. I could have respected me. I want the next 5 years to mean more than this. I want to start over. A blank slate where i remain self sufficient and pristine. It will take some time to get to that point i know... I owe too much, but i have faith in me. I can do this. i can let go of you and be the person i am meant to be... but still i can't shake this feeling. Who am i without you?

11 months ago

True love is: when, without being asked, someone volunteers to call Dell tech support for you.

over 2 years ago

I really miss my mom. She passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I miss our talks. I miss her support. Life isn't the same without her. Holidays, birthdays, etc. aren't the same. The sun may be shining outside, but it's dark and cloudy in my soul.

over 3 years ago

True love is: when, without being asked, someone volunteers to call Dell tech support for you.

over 2 years ago

I really miss my mom. She passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I miss our talks. I miss her support. Life isn't the same without her. Holidays, birthdays, etc. aren't the same. The sun may be shining outside, but it's dark and cloudy in my soul.

over 3 years ago

I am jealous that my friends are hanging out without me, even though I am the one who encouraged it and they live in another city.

over 3 years ago

I feel empty and i wanted to go to boston because i was hoping to take a class that might help me have more control and it got cancelled. Now i have the weekend off with nowhere to go and no one to share it with and i'm sick and tired of feeling hollow and thinking about pointless shit. God damn you Cole... I don't want to be alone but i hate most everyone around me because they make things complicated and i don't know what it means to be content. Make it go away. Insatiable greed. I feel like i'm using everyone and am too lazy to use my own two feet. I hate this place so much and the only way to feel better is to leave but i have to wait. Its just a year, but as soon as its over i'm just going to be caught in uncertainty anyway. Why do i ramble so much? Too much shit to think about. I just want to yell obscenties and punch someone without having to apologize for it. Fuck all of you and fuck my insecurities. I wish i could stab them until they were just a bloody huddled mass. This post isn't helping really. I still feel just as empty and violent. Fuck it, i'm going to the gym.

about 1 year ago

I am jealous that my friends are hanging out without me, even though I am the one who encouraged it and they live in another city.

over 3 years ago

I feel empty and i wanted to go to boston because i was hoping to take a class that might help me have more control and it got cancelled. Now i have the weekend off with nowhere to go and no one to share it with and i'm sick and tired of feeling hollow and thinking about pointless shit. God damn you Cole... I don't want to be alone but i hate most everyone around me because they make things complicated and i don't know what it means to be content. Make it go away. Insatiable greed. I feel like i'm using everyone and am too lazy to use my own two feet. I hate this place so much and the only way to feel better is to leave but i have to wait. Its just a year, but as soon as its over i'm just going to be caught in uncertainty anyway. Why do i ramble so much? Too much shit to think about. I just want to yell obscenties and punch someone without having to apologize for it. Fuck all of you and fuck my insecurities. I wish i could stab them until they were just a bloody huddled mass. This post isn't helping really. I still feel just as empty and violent. Fuck it, i'm going to the gym.

about 1 year ago