I hate my job, but I love the people. And I keep waiting for the day they'll tell me I'm not doing it well enough. Part of me would be happy to get fired cause at least I can have free time again, but the other part of me knows I won't find something that pays this well for awhile. I don't like being afraid though. No one tells you how much fear there is when you get older...

Also, In my quest to meet folks I've seemed to have lead on 2.5 people... Part of me wants to just say fuck it and tell them all what I really think of them. I like your dog and I think you're trying to hard to get me to like you. I think I'd like to mess around with you sexually, but I'm so tired of dating older guys. And you... You smell like B.O. have a weird voice and make really campy gay photography, so I'm fine with being your friend, but please don't mistake my interest in you for something romantic.

Between the other two? I think I'll go for the puppy and hope I can come to terms with your quirks. And as sad as it makes me to dump somebody, I think it best I be honest with you; I potentially think sex with you would be fun, but no more emotional attachment to older guys.
 We're doomed.

2 months ago

We all have that one person who completely fucked you up emotionally. I'll never be well again and what makes it hurt so much more is that you don't really care. I told you I loved you and i never got the opportunity to figure out if it was really love, or just lust. And even then, I lust you Cole. 4 years later and its still you i think about every other minute. :(

about 1 year ago

I think I have a girl-crush on my hot math professor.

over 2 years ago

I'm almost scared silly about what I'm about to do with my life..but I buried the fear deep down inside of me because I think I've finally found the courage to make myself happy.

over 2 years ago

We all have that one person who completely fucked you up emotionally. I'll never be well again and what makes it hurt so much more is that you don't really care. I told you I loved you and i never got the opportunity to figure out if it was really love, or just lust. And even then, I lust you Cole. 4 years later and its still you i think about every other minute. :(

about 1 year ago

I think I have a girl-crush on my hot math professor.

over 2 years ago

I'm almost scared silly about what I'm about to do with my life..but I buried the fear deep down inside of me because I think I've finally found the courage to make myself happy.

over 2 years ago

We all have that one person who completely fucked you up emotionally. I'll never be well again and what makes it hurt so much more is that you don't really care. I told you I loved you and i never got the opportunity to figure out if it was really love, or just lust. And even then, I lust you Cole. 4 years later and its still you i think about every other minute. :(

about 1 year ago

I feel empty and i wanted to go to boston because i was hoping to take a class that might help me have more control and it got cancelled. Now i have the weekend off with nowhere to go and no one to share it with and i'm sick and tired of feeling hollow and thinking about pointless shit. God damn you Cole... I don't want to be alone but i hate most everyone around me because they make things complicated and i don't know what it means to be content. Make it go away. Insatiable greed. I feel like i'm using everyone and am too lazy to use my own two feet. I hate this place so much and the only way to feel better is to leave but i have to wait. Its just a year, but as soon as its over i'm just going to be caught in uncertainty anyway. Why do i ramble so much? Too much shit to think about. I just want to yell obscenties and punch someone without having to apologize for it. Fuck all of you and fuck my insecurities. I wish i could stab them until they were just a bloody huddled mass. This post isn't helping really. I still feel just as empty and violent. Fuck it, i'm going to the gym.

about 1 year ago

people think that i am nicer than i actually am. but i cannot fool me. damn.

over 3 years ago

I think I've just effectively freaked someone out.

over 2 years ago

I feel empty and i wanted to go to boston because i was hoping to take a class that might help me have more control and it got cancelled. Now i have the weekend off with nowhere to go and no one to share it with and i'm sick and tired of feeling hollow and thinking about pointless shit. God damn you Cole... I don't want to be alone but i hate most everyone around me because they make things complicated and i don't know what it means to be content. Make it go away. Insatiable greed. I feel like i'm using everyone and am too lazy to use my own two feet. I hate this place so much and the only way to feel better is to leave but i have to wait. Its just a year, but as soon as its over i'm just going to be caught in uncertainty anyway. Why do i ramble so much? Too much shit to think about. I just want to yell obscenties and punch someone without having to apologize for it. Fuck all of you and fuck my insecurities. I wish i could stab them until they were just a bloody huddled mass. This post isn't helping really. I still feel just as empty and violent. Fuck it, i'm going to the gym.

about 1 year ago

people think that i am nicer than i actually am. but i cannot fool me. damn.

over 3 years ago

I think I've just effectively freaked someone out.

over 2 years ago

I feel empty and i wanted to go to boston because i was hoping to take a class that might help me have more control and it got cancelled. Now i have the weekend off with nowhere to go and no one to share it with and i'm sick and tired of feeling hollow and thinking about pointless shit. God damn you Cole... I don't want to be alone but i hate most everyone around me because they make things complicated and i don't know what it means to be content. Make it go away. Insatiable greed. I feel like i'm using everyone and am too lazy to use my own two feet. I hate this place so much and the only way to feel better is to leave but i have to wait. Its just a year, but as soon as its over i'm just going to be caught in uncertainty anyway. Why do i ramble so much? Too much shit to think about. I just want to yell obscenties and punch someone without having to apologize for it. Fuck all of you and fuck my insecurities. I wish i could stab them until they were just a bloody huddled mass. This post isn't helping really. I still feel just as empty and violent. Fuck it, i'm going to the gym.

about 1 year ago

i hate feeling heartsick... But that's all i do when i'm alone. I'm over 2500 miles away from you right now. I'm literally on the opposite side of the country and still you make me sad. New faces and new places, yet you still leave me feeling hollow. I don't do well on my own mentally or emotionally. I need someone, but it's not fair to use them just so i don't have to be alone. I think, in time, the distance will force me to give you up and I'm okay with that. I hope that I will fall just as deeply for the next one and i'll know what to do this time. But until then, please forgive me if i imagine you sleeping beside me when i go to bed at night. I love you and the thought of you puts me at ease. I know its not real, but it comforts me to imagine touching your arm and rubbing my fingers over your temple while you sleep. Please, let me keep this... I know when i wake up you'll be gone, but tonight I need you. Goodnight Cole.

7 months ago